Sisilaya

Been aaggges since I updated this. I've been hiding from Ken here, he's so mean ;_; <3 XD

Well, all has been fine, in my second year of gamedesign, getting known in the art world more and more. http://cinniuint.deviantart.com/ [/shameless self promoting] xD

Sadly, I've gone out of the whole anime/jrock scene. I've turned into a bloody hippy XD. Yes, I'm pagan, and go to fantasy fair where I walk around in medieval clothing. And fucking loving it! XD My fvourite band is Omnia, they're pretty good if you like heathen music. Here have a go:
http://www.myspace.com/omnianeocelt


Yes, that's me at the last Elf Fantasy Fair XD



Oh, and to get a little started on my new infatuation *coughobsessioncough*... LABYRINTH! JAAARETH!

AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT KEN! XD

I so bloody heart that movie, and the way Jareth prances in his far too tights pants *snerk* XD
I'm such a sucker for old fantasy movies, wehere they did everything with props and beautiful costumes, instead of cheap computer effects.

http://www.clairesdotcom.com/labyrinth/jarethsarah/dance03.jpg
I mena will you look at those costumes?! OMG *_* *le drool*

Anyway, I'm fine, I'm dandy, miss my boyfriend lots D:.

I'm alive xD

So my family thinks I should stop singing and should only focus on my art. Why? Because I'm not good enough. I sent them a soundfile that I recorded without warming up at 12 at night, which wasnt even meant as something seriously. More as a little test and fucking around with a recording program for fun. But from that they judge me and say I should stop wasting my time on singing. And then accuse me for not being able to take critisism. Flaming doenst count as critisism, lovelies.

But have I ever listened to my family? No ^_^. I'll fucking show them. They said the exact same thing about my art 2 years ago, funny no? I've finally found a band that is as serious about this as I am. I'll show them who isn't good enough. Trying to make me stop doing something that I love doing is like adding fuel to my fire, I'll bite back harder then I've ever done before. I proved them wrong on my art before, and I'll do it again with singing this time. Isn't a person allowed to be good at more things? I feel silly for saying all of this, but this feeling of anger and determination just washed over me after my mum had a 'short talk' with me over MSN this evening.

Yet it saddens me, that my own family has so little faith in me.



On side notes. I found this song... and it's like finding a beautiful flower in the middle of a sea of weeds. It's a song called 'Vermilion Part 2' by Slipknot. Yes, Slipknot. And no, it doesn't involve any screaming, or any electric guitars for that matter. I don't know, but for some reason it really touched me when I heard it.

Tis geweldig als je familie je stem als 'kattengejammer' beschrijft.

Ik heb altijd het idee dat ik in de hoogte zuiverder zong (suteki da ne, e.d.) dan op beltstem. Nu begin ik mn twijfels te krijgen. Ik kan niet belten (verkloot mn stem ermee), dus als ik vals zing in de hoogte heb ik geen opties meer. Ik denk niet dat ik op dit moment nog zuiverder kom op meeste tonen die ik nu haal. One Winged Angel begint me als een steeds slechter idee te komen.

Misschien ben ik toch beter af als alleen artist en de rest maar afkappen.

I am alive!

No really.

Havent used this account in soooo long. It's kinda funny >_>

I have a healthy (Yes, HEALTHY! *foammouth*) obsession with the movie 'Labyrinth'at the moment, or more so to say Jareth. Ho my, I never imagined David Bowie could actually be sexy. And the pants xD! For just only the pants the movie should be rated PG-13.

ANYWAY! I've changed devart account, for those interested. http://cinniuint.deviantart.com/ I left my old account due to bad drama from a certain site (*coughseto-kaiba.comcough*)

I passed my first year in Gamedesign, so w00t for me :D 3 more years to go and I can get my dreamjob xD!



I FINALLY joined a band. We're not sure on a name yet but that'll come. Me and Faried (from aniway) decided to join forces after karaoke night during animecon 2006 in The Netherlands and soon enough more people joined.I'm on vocals alsong with Lindy (Black chii from Acon this year)
WE'RE STILL LOOKING FOR A KEYBOARD/PIANO PLAYER, CONTACT ME IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
We're giving a concert at Abunai animecon in oktober, and we're all very thrilled about. We'll be playing som Jrock and anime music, for the people that like the NANA soundtrack, you should come watch, we're playing a few songs of that soundtrack ;)


On other notes, I'm also starring in a Final Fantasy fanbased movie, which will actually have a story (yes, it's made by actual game and theater makers). I'll be playing one of the two main evil badguys. Ho yes, shiver me timber XD I'll also be doing (singing) the soundtrack to that with Joost, which should be a very interesting ^^

Let's start with the good things, then the bad things.



Good things: I got my Advent children Sephiroth figure!!! *o*!!!! It's so spiffy, and it's very movable, you can put him into all sorts of cool poses . I shall be taking pictures of it later on today, to make you all jealous ;D

I went to my friend Baris birthday, or rather "One-year-closer-to-my-grave-day" as he likes to call it XD. Was lotsa fun, lotsa fun people (Seriously, Pim is the only person who beats me in sarcasm XD), and lotsa LOTSA gaming. Soul Calibur III = <3. Must get that game... you can even create your own character in it *_*. Baris made a character of me the day before in it, and I fucking owned everyone with it XD. It was good to see Ilse again, Baris girlfriend and also my best friend, somehow she always notices when there's something wrong with me, so we talked about what happened, and thankfully she gave me some good advices and we watched a good movie. She's an angel really, she's always there for me when I need her, same counts for me when she needs me. But yeah, the reason why I was so upset the day prior I'll explain in the *dun dun dun* bad news:



[rant]

How to start... how to start... Let's just say I've made a few grave mistakes in thinking who were my -real- friends. I was so fucking stupid, I trust people too easily. I even almost got to neglecting Ilse. Thankfully she understood.

The two lessons I learned:
1) Don't trust newcomers immediatly
2) Never, NEVER forget those who've known you longer, even though they haven't always been perfect.

To get started on point 1.
This new guy on seto-kaiba.com, or actually a GIRL shall I say came to the site a month or so ago. She pretended to be a guy, actually still does. Person I'm talking about is Yami Rob, or aswell known as the one who holds the 'current' Yami Yugi account.
She was kind of perverted, little freakish, so in short someone who I would usually get along with. Didn't take us long to get us chatting on the messenger programs. She seemed nice, mind you I still thought she was a guy by then. So we talked, and we got along.

I am, or more I was, quite close to the admin of the site (seto-kaiba.com), aswell known as Seto Kaiba. But I just rather call him Rob here. I knew that if he got to know her, they would probably get along quite well, their sense of humor doesn't differ very much, she just made a wrong first step and he booted her nad gave her the iron curtain effect like he does to all n00bs. So yeah after forcing them in a chat together they started talking again. All seemed fine and dandy.

Till she started talking more and more about him. And I mean this got to the level that almost all the convo's we had were about him. She begged me for pictures of him, yet I didn't gave them, that was something that was up to him. So after a few days he finally posted his pics on the website, and seriously, I've never seen someone spazz over pics like that before. She kept on going of how gorgeous he was, and how wonderful he was. Sadly, I cannot show the log of this convo, I'm not paranoid and my AIM doesn't log convo's, so I don't save them. Another thing I learned now that I should do at all times.

Suddenly she told me, or rather as I thought HE at the time, told me he had to talk to me. Made it seem all dramatic and stuff so I though 'hoo-boy here we go again'. He admitted he was actually a she, and that the pics she showed me were pics of her ex-bf. Mind you she even showed me rather.... pornographic pics. Funny, since I didn't even ask for them in the first place. But I though ah well, what does it matter. So I forgave her, but I did tell her I didn't appreciate it she lied to me. It really doesn't matter to me if you're a boy or a girl, straight or homosexual. So from there on it went normal again, was for as far as you can call it normal cause she still went going on and on about Rob.

So yeah, she was developing a serious crush on him, and I wasn't the only one who saw this, if you know people who are close to her they'll answer the same thing. Thing is, Rob, or Seto already has a girlfriend, who he loves very much. And I know how he gets when someone falls inlove with him and he can't shake them off, it's not very pretty.

So yeah, I told her to forget about it, it was not going to happen, he has a girlfriend who he loves very much. But she didn't seem to listen, actually said she didn't like him at all..... but ironically 10 minutes later she just started going on and on and on about him again like I had said nothing. So yeah, from that point on I decided to get a little more 'agressive' about it, she seemed nice and I didn't really want to see her hurt. So yeah, I told her the more bad sides of Rob, hoping she'd make up her mind and save herself and Rob the trouble of having to go through all the shit. Sure I told her Rob was a great friend, which he is, just don't fall inlove with him cause he only has eyes for one woman, save yourself the heartache. I admit I said things I shouldn't have said, but her skull is kind of thick. It's funny, since after that she started begging me for pictures of him, I promiced him not to show anyone, but she told me he was such a 'mean person' to me anyway, so it shouldn't matter. Luckily he had already posted his pics on the forum anyway, saved me from having to listen to more begging.

So yeah, few days later I'm talking to Rob, and he seemed distant to me. Mind you, us two always poke fun, and usually we get along quite well. So I asked him whats wrong, and then it came out what happened.

The idiot showed him the entire log of the convo where I had gotten a little more agressive, or rather 'quote' as she liked to call it, but really there isnt much of a difference between a log and a quote in this case. But as smart as she is, she only showed him the part where I explained his bad sides, not the part AFTERWARDS where I explained he would make a great friend. Mind you, at first Rob wouldn't say who gave him the conversation log, he just told me I was talking behind his back. So yeah, first one I asked was her, since I knew I had recently told her the 'bad side' of Rob. But they both denied it was her so I went digging more back, or rather Rob forced me to dig more back so I would come up with more names (Yet he calls me manipulative, go figure)... so last time I talked rather bad about him was when we had had our last huge fights, which was in... May? Months back in other words.

I tried to make up with him, apologised for something I said months ago when we werent even friends back then. I even sweared on my fathers grave I was sorry. My fathers grave! I've never done that in the 9 years he's been dead, cause he really was that of an important friend to me.

All Rob said was 'hold on a moment', and a few seconds later I suddenly find myself in a chat with him and her, and I immediatly thought "Bunch of lying bastards..". So yeah, it had been her. I first talked to her in private window, and she told me "Okay, I showed him the log, but I wanted answers cause he hurt your feelings!" S'yeah right, and by showing him the entire fucking log I was going to 'feel better'. Hell everyone knows showing a log where someone talked bad about someone is just like throwing gasoline on an open fire. Or she's really stupid, or she was just using me to get closer to Rob. Since I doubt she has the IQ of a 4 years old, I'm taking the latter.

So yeah, Rob accused me of 'manipulating her against him'. So I asked her right there if I did, and by the way she agrees with me in private conversation I guessed she would say no. But no, her answer was that
she agreed that I manipulated her to hate him, which was the -exact- opposit of what she always told me in the private windows. In other words, yes, she just used me to get closer to Rob. Not much later Rob blocks me on all the messengers. And he or she already went talking around to others, cause suddenly some of my friends stopped talking to me aswell without allowing me to explain.

Came out later on she was indeed using me, hell she even went around saying to others that I would try and get her into the Core RP (Elite Roleplay of the site) because she was 'well befriended' to me, in a way like we were already planning stuff for it. Funny, since I never even said such a thing. Sure I told Rob once it might be good to have a Yami Yugi in the roleplay, but I never actually went around nagging him about it and makeing plans for it like she said to others I was. But now she doesn't have to suck up to me anymore, after all she had Rob ditch me for her. I've known Rob for quite a while now... while he knows her for what... 2 weeks? And he chooses her words over mine. He even told me he had been -waiting- for all these months while we were friend for the moment I would go 'wrong'. So yeah when we started fighting he didnt even want to listen to what I had to say, his decision had already been made.





I hope others who read this learn from this. Be sure who your friends are, cause you might just be ignoring your real ones for some liars.

The only thing what I'm really upset about is that I've been taken for a fool, used by 2 people who I thought were my friends. And though I even tried to apologise so far that I swore it on my fathers grave, but he just ditched it aside like it was nothing, something I'll never fucking forgive him. I'm sure dad is rolling over in his grave right now ~_~

... work... work.. WORK.. WOOORK


OVERLOAD OVERLOAD OVERLOAD


!#@*%!?#@%&!¬


D:



Eerste blok zit erop :D. En dit blok ga ik mn teammates met een ZWEEP achterna zitten >_>!




Nanja, Tasja, we moeten eens afspreken, I miss you guys D:

Oh man, I'm teh shiz, can't you see? XD



( Suger is bad kiddies! )

I'll make a serious entry :P


So yeah, life has been busy, and LJ has been boring me XD.
Nah, My attentions just swap a lot. FF7 Advent Children came out a week ago, and I'm totally OBSESSED. Yazoo~ <3<3 ^o^

On other words, I've started a new college course again. DVTG, Design Virtual Theater and Games. More or less it's just gamedesign, but we get more indepth to games instead of just raw programming. So yeah, we get to do all the fun stuff ^_^ And all my classmates are as crazy as I am.

I've been busy with drawing again, my alcohol markers pwn.


I'm going cosplay on animecon 2006.... but I wont tell what. I wnat to see if you still recognice me >3

I'M A LIIIIIIIIVE~


Rassum frassum

Slytherin! The Sorting Hat has spoken! You've got 20 House Points!

Head of House: Severus Snape House Colors: Green and Silver House Animal: Serpent Slytherin chose his students based on cunning, ambition, greed, and how "Pure" their blood was. You will do ANYTHING to get ahead in life (or most anything). On the plus side, your ambition may be a good thing... more often than not you have your own motives. And you keep them very hidden indeed. Either way, you will more than likely accomplish the goals you set for yourself... for good or evil. Some students from Slytherin House... Draco and Lucious Malfoy. Tom Riddle

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 1% on House Points

Link: The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Test written by Demeratus on Ok Cupid

*snickers*

So my mother apologised for everything that happened, I can come home again.

Yet, I still feel like something's wrong... something's not right here.

You ever had that feeling that you want to just end it all, but at the same time you don't?

I hate being in a self conflict.

I feel fine when I'm talking to people, but when I'm alone, I start thinking, and I get bad thoughts again.

Maybe it's just a sheer case of boredom, Henri pulled me to a new part of WoW so I have some new stuff to kill time with.

I shouldn't have listened to my family, the ticketprices for flights to America have gone up to 600, I can't afford that. Now I sold my laptop for nothing.

That song (Linkin Park - With You) is still haunting around in my mind, only the person it reminds me off keeps shifting. Sometimes I even have the feeling it somehow resembles me.

I'm still not sure who from my friendcircle I can, and can't trust. And it's making me paranoid, yet I can't let go of them. (I'm not talking about the J-Rock circle here..)





Well the only thing good about this all is that depression kicks up my ability to draw.

( ... )


sometimes you must go beyond just mental pain to soothe the true pain. Who am I? I don't even know what I am anymore.. where I stand

Yes, it's time for this again XD

I have a new obsession /o/

*glomps her yazoo avatar* x]!!!


( Eyes of your Superior.. )


I'm SO gonna cosplay as him once...

Yes, I was bored, so I went webcam whoring .



( m00! )


On side note, I lost 4 lbs... in one week! Wh00t! ^__^! And I want a visual haircut... *pouts*

And the scary thing is... it matches -_-;

Well, there went my cosplay to hell.

I only needed to put on teh feathers, seam over the bottom and apply the frontal cables. But right then, my sewing machine decides to die on me. It started getting smelly, and then it suddenly just popped and everything in my room went out. I got it all to work again... cept for the sewing machine. And it's too much work for handsewing ;-;

I guess I'm leaving it for abunai after all >_

LAST MINUTE COSPLAY!!! LLLLAAAAASSSSSTTT MINUTE COSPLAYY!!!!!!!


*SPAAAAZZZ!!!, goes off to sew again* BLOODY FEATHERS! @_@!


In other words, I'm workinging my butt off to get this thing finshed. Ra, why must I be sucha perfectionist ~_~

On other things, I won the girlfriend contest on seto-kaiba.com. Yes bitches, I rule j00 >_>

*dances around in MCHammer pants for no reason at all*

Oh and... GACKT HAS ANTENNA'S!!! x]! Which at night... also serve as yaoi hentai tentacles to molest poor You >_>!

I'll see you all at Animecon :D~

*poofs*

... it's been faaaaar too long since I updated my LJ XD

Well in short, my life has been hectic. Because the flue struck me twice and of a small deperession when I found out I choose the wrong study (which lead to ENORMOUS fights with my family, and me and my mum not speaking for 2 weeks)I just recently completely quit my study cause I failed my last exam. I'm going to be working till September, when I'll start my new course freshy with new hopes and new brains >_>!

Yes, I just handed in my demo at the Rock Acadamy, I hope I get through the first round, I want to start taking the vocal course at the Rock academy in Tilburg. If I don't get through I'm gonna do Ergotherapy in Amsterdam.

I've been busy on www.seto-kaiba.com (*coughSPAMcough* <<; )a lot lately, it's really fun there, full with people who have a very twisted sense of humor, people like me in other words X)

My feet hurt, damn blisters, but helloooo new shoes ^__^!



And remember kiddies.... money only buys happiness when the store is a whore >_>!

Just came back from having a meeting with Joost, for our plannings on gackt.nl. Too bad Nan couldn't be there but we kind of got to the idea friday ><

I had a lot of fun, he picked me up from Driebergen-Zeist station and we drove in his car to the woods, there had a nice walk through the forest where we talked about stuff (mainly Gackt >D)and how we're gonna do things with the site. After that we drove to a cafeteria (which looked very victorian style, very cool ^^) and we had a drink, talking some more. It was really fun day and it was good to speak to someone and being to go on and on and on about Gackt without the other getting annoyed XD. He brought me home afterwards so that was nice (we sang with Gackt music in the car! XD).

You know, I don't give a fuck if people don't like me anymore now. I stand up for my friends, cause that's one of my life morals. It's better to have one good friend then 20 half ones. If you don't like it:

You can lick my ass.